ARCHIVES - 1996 to FOREVER

Very laid-back day. I didn't get to bed quite so early as I was going to last night, Andy came over and we talked for a while and drank some beer... that was enjoyable. We're going through the same thing, of course, so we have a lot to share there.

I did finish watching Blades of Glory... pretty funny, but most generally not my type of humor.

Today, however, I have done nothing. Kim came over for a visit today, and we kinda half-heartedly went through some of Karen's clothes, and she did take some things home with her.

I had plans to do laundry... but it isn't done. I knew that I had to do it Friday, put it off, Saturday, put it off, today, put it off....

I think that if I can get a load washed and into the dryer tonight, I'll be set for the week....

Yesterday I took an autism-spectrum test on-line, and, as I have mentioned before, I have Aspergers' syndrome.

So... what should I do about that?

What I have done is literally forced myself, all of my life, to appear to be social, like the rest of the human animals.

And I can fool most of the people, most of the time.

But....

Part of why I demand complete honesty on the part of my friends and family before I'll trust them... is because I never can tell when someone is lying.

In fact, I can't read people at all.

You have no idea how much sex I've turned down because I can't tell a "come-hither" look from one that says, "That's interesting... keep on talking..."

Well, no, not turned down... been unaware of opportunities that were plainly visible in retrospect.

Like the x-ray student that told me that she couldn't satisfy her boyfriend with oral sex, and asked me if I knew anything that could help her out.

She had asked me other strange questions in the past, and I never could put two and two together. She wanted to practice....

Not that anything would have happened, I was married to Karen at the time and there is no way that I am going to be unfaithful when I'd taken a vow to not be unfaithful.

But there were many instances during my single life...

So the girls that wanted me to make an advance probably thought that I was the dumbest guy in the world.

And I haven't learned anything about reading people to this day.

Everyone else can do it.

I have no idea where to start.

I have to be able to trust the words.

And I don't have a good feeling about being single.

I got really lucky with Karen, I knew that from the first day I met her... the second time around.

I would like to think that I could get that lucky again, but that's not really likely.

And twenty-three years of married bliss is a whole helluva lot more than most people get in this life.

I know that there will be some ladies that I will go out with, and I'm kinda looking forward to that... and dreading it.

What Karen would put up as a wife and what a potential lady would put up with as a possible suitor are two widely different things.

Life would be so much better if Karen had been able to survive, dammit.

Fuck cancer. Just fuck it.